You're burning with me
by PeetaTucci
Summary: Dear Katniss, Okay, so maybe your not an evil mutt. But that doesn't make you a good person. You might think now I'm a lost cause you don't have to care about me anymore. But if I burn, you're burning with me. Mild AU of Mockingjay.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, here the thing(s)**

**I'm not taking this story as priority. My other story, "Forever Everdeen" will be top of my list, and I'll update more when it's finished.**

**I got inspired by chapter eleven of Oddcoupler222's Real or not Real. I felt so angry that no-one thought about how much Peeta went through, torturing, mentally or physically leave some of the deepest scars. Katniss got sympathy, while Peeta, in a shadowy, broken, depressed state was told to suck it up.**

**Also, I don't own the Hunger Games trilogy.**

I guess when you cell neighbours with someone for 1 and a half month, you have a kind of bond. Normally someone like Johanna I would stay clear of, but after what happened she's one of the only people who I don't hate. She understands what I went through, what _we_ went through, like nobody else does.

My brother once told me hating me was like hating Bambi. I don't really know what to think. If I was easier to hate half the mess the country's in would be non-existent.

Johanna never won an award for kindness. But she's been damaged beneath her exterior of steel. She was an only child, and her parents couldn't bear to have her name put into that glass ball even once, so they tried to run away. But they were caught. They got a bullet through the head and she was thrown into an orphanage. It was a poor one too, so poor the children had to take tesserae eight times each year, and by the time she was picked, at 17, her name was there seventy-four times. The odds were never in her favour anyway.

Delly Cartright has come to visit me a few times. Maybe a kinder, more patient me could stand her, but this one can't. Most of the time when she talks to me I ignore her words, zone out until she leaves. It's become quite easy. In my mind I mimic the luxurious sedation that their drugs in the Capitol would give me, a blank world where there's no pain. I felt no pain, heard no words, saw nothing. The best place I could be other than home. Well, maybe second.

By then she'd be gone.

My Doctor, Aurelius, a plump man of about sixty, walks in my room (More like cell) interrupting my closeness to the state of self-sedation. He doesn't wait before getting straight to the point.

"Look Peeta. I think it would be best if you tried having lunch in the cafeteria." I raise my eyebrows, me, in the cafeteria? He notices this and continues with "I think other than Johanna and myself you haven't really socialised. I think this could help you improve."

"Okay," I say getting up.

I notice two guards have materialised behind him. Obviously. They couldn't let someone like me into a public space on my own.

The halls of thirteen are white. I mean _white_. I wonder if they do something to the walls, bleach them or something, because there's not one spot of dirt on the wall. Then again, there's not going to be much mud or dirt where half the population have never seen sunlight.

I get lots of looks in the cafeteria. Whispers go across the room like a wave, and they don't seem to try and hide it. Parents pull their children away, people spread across the wooden benches so there's no room for another person.

"Isn't that the crazy boy from twelve?"

"Keep away from him honey, he's mad."

"You wouldn't think they would let someone like _him _out in public."

I may be crazy, but I'm not deaf.

I've had that experience a lot here in thirteen. People talking about you right in front of you, and act like just because you've been through some crap, you're unable to hear people or understand what they're saying. God, am I supposed to be mentally retarded or something?

I look around to see if Johanna is anywhere to be seen. She's probably one of the only people who I'll talk to voluntarily. I spot her, but she's not sitting on her own as I had hoped, she's sitting with Delly, Gale, Finnick, Annie and Katniss. Great, it's either them or strangers. I know I should probably walk away, sit on my own or whatever. It feels odd though, in school at district 12 I would always sit with a bunch of people. So I go over to their table.

I pretend not to notice everyone staring at me as I awkwardly balance the tray on my cuffed hands. The two guards remain behind me, reminding me of a teacher watching over a student in detention.

"What's with the fancy bracelets?" Says Johanna, raising her eyebrows.

"I'm not quite trustworthy yet" I say, "I can't even sit here without your permission," nodding at my guards.

"Sure he can sit here! We're old friends." Laughs Johanna, tapping the space beside her. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams."

Annie closes her eyes and covers her ears, as if that can make everything go away. Finnick wraps his arm around her and gives Johanna a look, But she doesn't seem to care and just says

"What? My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy!" She says, unshaken.

Everyone goes silent apart from Finnick, whose whispering softly to Annie until she takes her hands away from her ears. Everyone continues to pretend to eat. I hardly eat anything in thirteen. It's bland and disgusting, plus I'm never hungry, and well, I guess I feel like being stubborn

"Annie," says Delly kindly "did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing."

Annie looks up shyly and whispers

"Thank you Peeta. It was beautiful." I smile back at her, normally I just stay silent as I'm never in a mood to be polite, but that would seem cruel to somebody so mentally fragile.

"My pleasure, Annie."

There's a moment of silence before Finnick says

"If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go." Finnick says to Annie "Nice seeing you Peeta."

His voice has a note of coldness that rubs me in the wrong way, I want to say something cutting, and I know I shouldn't, he didn't do anything, but I do.

"You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might have to take her away from you." I say,

"Oh Peeta, Don't make sorry I re-started your heart." he says lightly.

They leave, Finnick giving Katniss a quick worried glance.

"He did save your life, Peeta." Delly says carefully "More than once."

I just laugh lightly at her ignorance

"For her" I say, meaning Katniss, "For the rebellion. Not for me. I don't owe him anything."

"Maybe not," Katniss growls "But Mags is dead and your still here. That should count for something."

I snap right back "Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don't seem too, Katniss. I've got some memories I can't make sense of, and I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train for instance."

I didn't say anything that wasn't true, but I can see Gale's grip on his fork tightening. Because I just feel like rubbing salt in the wound, I continue, gesturing with my spoon to Katniss and Gale.

"So are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging the out the star-crossed lover thing?"

"Still dragging." says Johanna, I can practically feel her raising her eyebrows.

"I wouldn't of believed it if I hadn't seen it." says Gale, giving me a mocking smile.

"What's that?" I say,

"You."

Damn, he's almos as bad as her. I mean, who could blame me for assuming they're a couple. She's practically sitting on his lap.

"You'll have to be a little more specific." I say, "What about me?"

"That they've replaced you wit a evil-mutt version of yourself." finishes Johanna.

Great, now even she's turning against me.

Gale takes a loud sip from his milk "You done?" he says to Katniss, she nods and they cross over to scrape their plates.

"You can't keep acting like this Peeta!" Delly squeaks once they're out of earshot.

"God dammit Delly, I surprised you haven't gone a built Katniss a shrine. I thought I was your friend!" This rubs her in the wrong way, and she squeaks:

"You are, Peeta! But you have no idea what Katniss has been through!"

"_No idea?_ Who was there to save her from the Careers in the arena? Who lost a leg because of her? Who got electrocuted for her? Who was willing to give their life so she could live?

She's silent, but I continue, "I bet you didn't even care if I survived the games."

I realise the entire room's staring at me,

"What are you looking at at?" I growl,

"Shut up, your causing a scene." the old Peeta says.

"What does it matter? I'm sure they're really _riveted_."

"Just shut up. Just shut up, they're trying to help you."

"Help me?" I say, I hate him. I hate the old Peeta. So weak, such a pushover, I hate him. "They don't even care about me. Now I'm no use to their war effort they don't give a damn whether I die or not."

I feel the grip on my wrist, as well the eyes of every single person in the cafeteria.

And I don't care.

Then there's a needle in my arm, then nothing.

**Amazing no? Haha, I kid. hope you like, may take awhile to update.**

**Meanwhile check out my fic "Forever Everdeen"**


	2. The Boy who got burned

**Okay. So this chapter's going to be my version of their meeting after Finnick and Annie's wedding.**

**A lot of this won't be 100% accurate. **

**As you may of noticed, this story will have a few "Alternative universe" scenes. Yeah, I know it's in the wrong order...**

Don't ask me why, but I wanted to see _her_. Well, maybe look at her, check she wasn't an evil mutt.

I guess I was also kind of expecting an actual meeting, but obviously that couldn't be done due to my "Mental state"

Katniss enters, one eyebrow raised as she enters.

"Hey." She says.

"Hey." I say, back cautiously. I didn't mean for the word to be tainted with suspicion, but that's how it came out.

"Haymitch said you wanted to talk to me." She says,

"_Look_ at you for starters." I say, looking her up and down. "You're not very big are you? Or particularly pretty?"

This seems to rub her in the wrong way, "Well, you've looked better."

This irritates me, "And not even remotely nice. To say that after all I've been through."

I laugh without smiling.

"Yeah. We've all been through a lot."

I'm silent for a moment,

_Yeah, poor you. With a family, who always cared about you and loved you, people who care about you, friend, sanity, and two legs..._

she starts

"Look, I don't feel so well. Maybe I'll drop by-"

But then something falls out of her pocket. It's a tiny pearl the size of pea. She bends down to pick it up.

"Nice jewels. Where did you get it? Doubt they're dealing pearls here in thirteen."

She looks at me blankly for a moment, "You. You gave it to me. Just before-"

She stops mid-senence,

"Before the Capitol came."

"Yeah."

I know I should let her leave, stop anything she says from triggering me.

But all I can think of is how selfish she is. Once she thinks I'm insane, she doesn't give a damn what happens to me.

"Seems a lot of stuff seems to happen to me, Hmm? Lost my family, leg, sanity, and pretty much everything else because of you."

She turns, her eyes narrowing to slits.

"Huh, well I've been through so much-"

"Oh don't get me wrong," I cut in "I'm sure you wouldn't mind being tortured until death was the more desirable option."

She's silent, unsure of what to say.

"It's hard to think I saw you as the dandelion in the spring. The brightness that means being positive. Not Negative."

I laugh but don't smile.

"Yeah well, that was the old me who _you_ let slip away."

There. I've done it. Something I know with hurt her, remind it was her who let all this happen.

"Well, that's the thing about dandelions. When you think they're secure they malt into dandelion clocks, and whenever you touch them, only more seems to float away."

We're both silent for a moment, before I whisper

"Dandelion clock. Tick Tock."

"Tick tock." she whispers, then the slam of the door breaks the silence.

Two things I have sussed about Katniss.

She was the girl on fire.

And I was the boy who got burned.

**I am aware this is a short chapter. But I only had like half an hour to write it, when I would normally take about two hours.**

**I wrote a poem, don't ask me why. It's about Peeta wanting to kill himself, ENJOY!**

**When I turn eighteen my dear,**

**I don't want any jewels or a golden goose (Awkward rhyme)**

**All I want from you is**

**for you to knit me a noose**

**My life's a pained one**

**Which is cruel to prolong**

**Let us not wait**

**Until the end of the Mockingjay's song**

**I know that your lying**

**I may not know what's real or not real**

**But your not made of nails**

**You have no "Heart of steel"**

**Your no saint,**

**But it's hard to hate you**

**Especially I really know**

**Only pretend to hate me too.**

**Both out lives are hard**

**But I just can't seem to cope,**

**so all I want this year,**

**Is a necklace of rope**

**When I turn eighteen my dear,**

**I don't want any jewels or a golden goose **

**All I want from you is**

**for you to knit me a noose**

**(Not great, I know, but I wrote it when I was bored in a lesson)**


End file.
